The Stats Whore Experiment

So I’ve been reading here and commenting there and discovered another stats whore named Danny Shahar, although he calls himself just a junkie. “Whore” seems ickier, but it’s really more empowering, I think–whores are much more entrepreneurial than junkies–so I’m sticking with the seedy language. Anyway… Danny doesn’t call himself a junkie on his own website, so don’t go looking for it. Unlike me, he is smart enough to keep his public and private personae separate. (Let’s ignore the fact, shall we, that I am exposing him as a junkie right now.) Danny has been using Google Analytics to get his fix, but I’ve been transacting mostly with the WordPress statistics service. Now I’ve spent the better part of my shower time trying to get a feel for this Google Analytics thing and I decided to sign up, but I don’t like this business of having to enter code at the beginning of each blog. Not because I am too lazy to enter code, but because I don’t like what I can’t see and because I feel stupid still about not even having javascript installed on my computer until two days ago, much less the most recent version. So what do I see in this weird, invisible code that I’ve entered? Javascript. It’s mocking me outright now.

It was a stupid thing to forget to install. Not as stupid, however, as the reason I discovered I didn’t have it. Oh well. I am glad to have access to Ninja Videos now and it is much more convenient to use the Photobucket Image Uploader add-on for Firefox than the workaround I adapted. On the other hand, uploading each image by hand to my account put me directly on the page I needed for a direct web link to post in this blog, so if I’m going to be clicking on Photobucket to get it anyway, I’m not sure the add-on will save me time.

I am also not sure if I should spend any time at all going through old posts to add this javascript code for Google. There’s a lot to be said for fresh starts, but there are all those images I am rudely hotlinking to that need to be converted to images on my own website. I don’t want to be a rude stats whore, so I guess I could use politeness as an excuse for this particular task. Politeness is supposed to be its own reward, but it’s better to be polite for the wrong reasons than to not. From a purely social glue standpoint, that is. I’ve heard that a well-placed justifiable rage is psychologically beneficial, but that’s an outburst that I am incapable of enjoying. When I’m that angry, I usually just cry.

And no one likes a crying, rude stats whore, even without a rash.

So without further ado, let’s fire this puppy up! Mysterious, weird, invisible code, work your magic, just so long as your magic isn’t to take over my computer and make me your slave.

Wait a minute…

I guess the polite thing to do is to welcome my new computer overlord.

UPDATE 11:59 AM:
The mysterious, weird, invisible code isn’t invisible. Must investigate.

UPDATE 12:30 PM:
Aannnddd… I can’t make it work. Don’t worry–I didn’t spend the last half-hour on it. But no revelations came to me, either, despite my searching. I am wondering if I chose the one WordPress theme that doesn’t let me edit footers.

var gaJsHost = ((“https:” == document.location.protocol) ? “https://ssl.” : “http://www.”);
document.write(unescape(“%3Cscript src='” + gaJsHost + “google-analytics.com/ga.js’ type=’text/javascript’%3E%3C/script%3E”));

try {
var pageTracker = _gat._getTracker(“UA-7632300-1”);
pageTracker._trackPageview();
} catch(err) {}

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