Pantless Monday

Yes, it’s true. This blogger has no pants.

I was going to expound upon why my work ethic sucks, but the W key of the keyboard is mysteriously sticky today and I just don’t feel like going out of my way to add Ws to the conversation. So I will instead wonder wearily if the wardrobe I am wearing is wickedly Wal-Mart, or if it is in fact flattering. I went shopping late last night because I am out of clothes (not in a good I am too skinny for you way–I have a summer clothes problem and a belt has been making holes in the shirts I do have). I am sick of the way Target dresses fit me and all the fancy stores like Ross and Marshall’s that I usually shop at close early Sunday night. So I went to the nicest Wal-Mart I know about and had at it.

This is the dress in question:

The colors are maybe pukey to you, and I can accept that. It’s longer than it looks, which is part of my uncertainty. Despite being a tank top, it covers straps that need to be covered, which is a regular boon. It is also made out of jersey, and isn’t slippery or shiny. True, it’s still mostly polyester, but it’s not that slick polyester that I am officially sick of. I look much better in it from the side than from the front. It wasn’t exactly a steal at $15 (that is an amount of money I wouldn’t mind having back if I hated it), but if I end up liking the dress it’s totally worth it. I did ask the salesladies outside the dressing room how it looked, but they were having way too much fun (it was Sunday night and they’d caught the sillies, which didn’t bother me because it wasn’t interfering with my shopping experience but it did make them overly convivial and generous). I don’t have any dresses in my repertoire right now. I’ll probably keep it. It wouldn’t be the worst excuse to buy fancy high-heeled sandals.

I also did another thing I hate doing (yet do often), which is buy two shirts of different colors in the same style. They look like two other shirts I bought in different colors in the same style from Costco (we’re talking about four different colors now), but that have holes in them at the belly from my belt. Finally, I got a pair of skorts.


When I picked the skorts off of the clearance rack I honestly thought it was a skirt. I hate wearing shorts right now because of the way fat accumulates above my petite little knees, but when I held this garment up to my waist it looked like the hem was long enough. It wasn’t until I put them/it? on that I realized what they were. Remember how you used to wear shorts under your skirt in elementary school so you could climb on the monkey bars? Remember how ridiculous you felt? Remember when they started adding that panel in the front but kept the look of shorts in the back? Remember how ridiculous women looked wearing them? Honest to god I was pissed, especially when the skort looked good on me. It’s a dark brown color and it was $8 and it means I can leave the house in something other than jeans. But I am going to feel like some preppy I don’t know what every time I appear in public wearing it without also holding a tennis racquet or set of golf clubs. Which–mark my words–will be every time.

Every time.

I replaced the offending belt and added a black one. I meandered through shoes but the only ones I liked weren’t in my size. I bought a lot of stuff for the potty training party I am vaguely planning around a Pixar Cars theme, complete with underpants, but mostly Costco cupcakes as a reward at the end of the day. I bought some shoes for Little Filly, whose only pair of shoes right now squeaks with every step, which is starting to annoy restaurant patrons. I also stood and gazed for a long, long time at the Pop Tarts, yet went home with only a Peppermint Patty. As Bridget Jones would say, v.v.g.

Regarding the Diet

It took until this morning for me to show weight loss again. I felt terrible about the binging the other night, partly because I hated having to watch what I ate so closely. But this morning, three days before I officially weigh myself, I was actually lower than my weight last Thursday. I am relieved. So relieved. Despite enjoying I know is a success so far, I’ve been comparing my progress this time to my progress when I was on Weight Watchers seriously. I was just getting a lot more external feedback when I hit this weight. So I went and looked at all my old papers. I was misremembering how heavy I was before–I started then ten pounds heavier than I am starting now. That’s more than one jeans size! Plus at that original starting weight getting to my current weight, I’d been given the keychain for losing 10 percent of my body weight, four five-pound gold stars, and I was going to meetings psyching me up about the refrigerator magnet. There’s no comparison, really.

Random Comments

1. I was tired of writing posts in the skinny little default window, so I changed the setting (once I found it; I had to go looking again) to 30 lines from 10. It’s too big. I hate having the formatting and media options out of reach at the top of the screen. Kids! It’s not worth it! Don’t be tempted by white space! Unless you have a really big computer screen, anyway.

2. Thanks again, skeevy pervs, for keeping my blog stats high! I promise that one day I will actually read a book about lesbian nuns and review it.

3. It’s time for me to prepare my entourage for the Costco trip. We’ll be eating lunch there, I’ve decided, and I’ll be coming home with Diet Coke. I’ve been running out, you see. Not a good habit to get into. DC is so much more expensive when you have to get it on the street.

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